Views on M-I-Ls

That stands for Mother-In-Law. Ever since my F-I-L passed on, I have wholeheartedly invited my MIL to stay with me in my house. I need to write this as this is the only way I can vent out my frustrations.

Let me first start by giving you a bit of history on how it all started…

When we first got married, we did not have a house on our own yet and have no choice but to stay with her. The trouble all started from the day I became Mrs. Ho. I do not know what I have done but I guess it’s my face, maybe its my body language – I am accused of being an evil witch with black magic that had charmed her son to an extend that he is now a changed person!

Well, if anyone of you know my husband, please believe that he is one person with such a strong personality that it is impossible to sway him in any way once his mind is made up. As a wife who loved him dearly despite his temper and his “sometimes out of this world” point of view, I do not have such power. Not that I wish I have, because I married him for what he is and despite his rare outburst, I know he loves me as much as I love him.

Anyway, when I became Mrs. Ho, I tolerated my MIL. She will sometimes say things that hurt me so badly that I break down and cry but I tolerated, nevertheless. Each day I pray that I would have my own house and get out of the hell hole. I simply can’t live with a person who thinks that she is perfect and if there are any faults, it simply belong to the other party. I, however, became an expert in switching off. One day, after 4 years of marriage and after my first child was born, my wish came true and let me tell you, the freedom of being with just your family and having a home that you can call your own, are amazing. I have never been so happy in my entire life.

Things started to get even better when we moved to our second home which, to me, is heaven sent. I love my new home, I love my husband, I love my kids (somewhere a long the way when we were in our first home, we had our second child), we have enough money to go for good expensive meals every now and then and not to mention the occassional holidays we took. Life was bliss.

My husband and I usually spend our weekends having some drinks which starts in the afternoon and blast all our favorite songs on our mini home theater system and talk and talk and talk until we are both tipsy from the wine and the songs and maybe lie down on where we first started and dosed off until dinner time.

When we first moved out, my relationship with my MIL improved. In fact, I started loving her. I bought her presents, took her out for dinners and even for short holidays within Malaysia. All was well until the day my FIL passed away.

As I was thinking, that this is the way should be, I invited her to stay with us. I mean, common, she had just lost her husband, right? Is this not what all good daughters-in-law should do? I mean, she is a lonely soul and do not even have a single friend to call her own. What am I suppose to do? Leave her alone in the house? Boy! Is this the biggest mistake of my life?

It started even during the funeral. I was lighting a joss stick for my FIL (even though I am a Christian but I feel that if you love someone and out of respect, you should do what is right – that does not mean you are giving up your faith), and before I knew it, she was standing beside me and said the most unexpected thing – “Won’t your Jesus be upset with you for holding a joss stick?”. So, what does she mean by that?

Anyway, since she moved in, I really tried being a good daughter to her but she speak words that would slice you in half and you wouldn’t know what hit you.

One Saturday, it was my granny’s birthday, and we all went to back Ipoh to celebrate with her. Of course she was talking a lot in the car and as usual, I was switched off. Didn’t know and didn’t care what was going on in the back seat. My kids, my mom and MIL were seated behind. I was happy going back to Ipoh to see granny and that is all that matters. I missed her and can’t wait to see her and kiss her and hug her.

All was fine and dandy until when we were checking in, in the hotel. While waiting for the room, I saw my hubby walking up to her and started talking to her. You see, when my hubby is angry, you actually see it in his eyes. So I started wondering around the lobby steering clear of their way as I do not want to get involved.

Before I knew what was happening, all the happiness that was there earlier, turned sour. Still, I was not aware. So, when we got the keys to our rooms, I had no choice but to get into the same lift with the both of them. The tension between the two was so great that you can feel it in the air. After settling MIL down, I went to our room and asked hubby what happened.

Apparently, on our journey to Ipoh, in the car, MIL asked to most illogical, unintelligent question of the century directed to my six year old. MIL asked him if his daddy hits his mummy. Can you just imagine how shocked hubby was? Obviously, hubby was pissed. Me? Like I said, when she speaks, I switch off – did not hear a word!

Guess what? The next thing I knew, she accused me of doing a pillow talk thing with hubby and I was blamed! However, we went for dinner and she started accusing me in front of my family and saying what an evil witch I am and how she is suffering staying in our house. Her face was so long that everyone can literally see it sweeping the floor. She was loud. She spoilt the whole party, made everyone uncomfortable and embarrassed her own son. She was telling everyone that when we go back to KL, she will move back to her own house. Even my granny who is the kindest soul in the whole world could see through her. Mind you, my granny is 93 years old.

The entire journey home is so uncomfortable. I can’t wait to get out of the car.

Since she’s been here, I really did my best to make her comfortable. I take her out for walks in the morning, changed the kitchen for her, changed the guest room to suit her, took her shopping for clothes and she does not need to lift a finger in the house except for cooking the occasional one meal a day and only when she really wants to.

I do not know what I have done to deserve this and I have been trying for 12 years. Should I try anymore? Until today, whenever we have visitors, she would tell anyone and everyone that she is not comfortable living with us and wants to move back - she even said it to my part-time maid. This time, I am really praying that she would. But, she is, unfortunately still around. I mean, what the heck, can’t she for once just mean what she say. Of all the nonsense that she has been saying all this years, for goodness sake, please do it just this one time.

I have a lovely home but a home that I do not want to go back to…