a new year, a new life

among all the cousins, i guessed we are the most close. that is why i'm so excited over this wedding. for the past months i have been cracking my head thinking of what gift i should get for them. i want to give them something meaningful, not something i can get out of the shelf.

until last sunday, i finally knew what i should give them, which i think they will love it (do hope so). i wont give it to them on jan 1st though. i will leave it till the frangipani dinner, as i need time to do it.

plans for 1 january 2006 Gary & Christine's Wedding

0730 hours - janie & kwailo to reach kota damansara
0745 hours - leave house to subang
0800 hours - breakfast
0830 hours - reach christine's house
1300 hours - leave ampang for home with janie
1500 hours - leave from home to cyberview lodge
1530 hours - reach resort / disturb christine / re to swim & sleep
1730 hours - get dressed
1800 hours - garden wedding
1900 hours - dinner starts, drink till we drop......

yeah yeah, can't wait.

strictly no kids

i reached chinoz and the 3 mothers were staring at me. hmm, i know i was late. anyway, we wasted no time and went straight to my all time favorite salabianca. i tried on a few tops and dresses, still couldnt make up my mind, we left. well, i needed time to think. (most probably i'll end up buying the black one, as i already fell in love with it the first time i tried it on last 2 months)

we then went to bcbg (as aud has assured us that we could get cheap dresses there). true enough there were cheap ones but not so nice. we left for isetan's mphosis. got a dress for i dont know what event.

too bad i was late, if not we girls would have sat down, drink and enjoy our time alone for a while before heading back to our precious...

3rd day

i woke up very early. we went to the cremation place to collect thai thai's ashes. the urn was nice. one by one we picked the bits & pieces and put them into the urn. then we left for the nilai memorial park.

it was really a nice place, nothing like the other cemetries. we went to pray to kung kung. his was by the side.

according to hung.yi,
"she came her and looked everywhere. high and low to see the feng shui. then she decided to be placed her also. when asked to buy the space next to kungkung, she said no, there will kena rain & sun. so she chose the middle ones..."

i miss her still.

2nd day

i skipped work. went to the funeral. i was quite disappointed by the simplicity of the funeral. everything was so simple. nothing much. well, maybe that was what thaithai wanted. they said for someone who was 105, we should all dressed in red and in fact celebrate. i personally cannot.

thai thai wanted to be cremated. initially she wanted to be put in the sea with pohpoh. during kung kung's funeral, she changed her mind to putting her ashes in nilai memorial park. we chanted and followed her to the cremation. i was trying so hard to hold back my tears, but what the heck.... i cried again. i cried with mummy. this is one thing i inherited from mummy - emotional. all the uncles & aunties came to console us. we were the only 2 who cried. it was really difficult to see someone you loved so much leave.

after that we left for home.

1st day...

after work i rushed home. on the way, i cried so much. people in the next car were looking at me like a mad woman. i couldnt care less. i missed her a lot. got changed and went to pj for the funeral.

almost everyone was already there. i went over to the coffin, and couldnt help myself but burst into tears again. no one else was crying, just me, and bro did shed a tear. i looked at her, and speak from my heart, hoping she can hear.

when other saw me, they asked whether it's my running nose or was i crying. they consoled me, saying that it's okay, she lived 2 lives already (ie 105 yrs old). i said yes, but still very sad. they say, no need to be sad, she has gone to a better world. i just pray she has....

uncle.wahjai said thaithai made the clothes herself. she knew this day would come, she prepared everything. she got all the praying stuffs ready. a.sam told me that they burnt the stuffs for 2 hours and yet, still hasnt burnt all. i guessed she knew that the younger generations wouldnt do all these, that was why she prepared everything herself.

we chanted for a whole 2 hours. and left for home..

My Eldest Love

i still remember....
kohkoh & i were sort of closest to thai thai & poh poh, compared to other cousins. when we were young we lived together. i guessed it was because of that, that the bonding between us were much stronger. once in a while, they would buy us things, just 2 of us. i love them.

when pp passed away in 1996, i couldnt take it, i cried for the next 2 weeks. everytime i think of her, tears start rolling down my cheeks. thaithai handled better. watching her own daughter leave before her... was more hurting than anything else.

i still remember....
the first time she fell down, she was admitted to the hospital. i was still with 'flame', so i had all the time i want. i would visit her everyday. sit next to her for 3 whole hours, rubbing and massaging her legs. i would tell her everything that happened. i would hold her hand and chat with her. the nurses said she was so lucky to have such a nice family to go see her everyday. yes she was indeed. all her grandchildren & great grandchildren visited her everyday.

i went to the temple to pray for her. every 1st & 15th of the lunar calendar, she would go to the temple to pray, and eat vegetarian & spend everyone there. for the months that she cant walk, i went personally to the temple (she normally goes), to pray for her. i pray for her health, for her to quickly heal. i pray to lessen her pain, she is too old to be in that position.

i talked to the 'sifu'. everyone there knows thaithai. she was the oldest there. she said she will pray for her too. i went there so many times that the people there were quite surprised. they said it's hard to find someone so young to visit the temple so often.

thai thai was praying everyday to go home. what more does a 103-year-old woman want than to spend time with her family? she was so determined to walk again, i'm so proud to find her so motivated to walk at her age. a lot of people would have given up. she worked so hard to live.

when she was home, i continued to visit her maybe once or twice a week. knowing that she was so old, it takes longer time for her to recover. her legs were still pain. i massage her everytime i see her.

i still remember...
when i hold her hand to talk to her, she would look into my eyes and say,
"you know, you are very 'kuai'. you hold my hand, you massage me, you come see me, the other (some cousins) dont even talk to me. they think that i'm old and useless. they dont even dare to touch me."

my reply,
"no, dont say that. everyone loves you, but they dunno how to express. everyone wants you to be happy and healthy."

i still remember...
there was once the doctor gave her a dose that made her so blur. she didnt recognise anyone at all. when i went over to her, held her hands, she immediately called out my name. i burst into tears.

my prayers are the same everyday,
"po yau mummy, baba, kohkoh, rayern, yapjai, thaithai & ngor san thei kin hong, soon soon lei lei, chut yup ping on, hoi hoi sum sum."

thai thai i love you, forever in my heart

A Love Away

i came to work as usual this morning, made my milo and everything seemed normal.

at exactly 8:45am, my mobile rang. the id caller showed 'mummy'. that's funny, she never calls at this time of the day. the conversation went...

language used : cantonese
mum : lei hai pin tou ah? (where are you?)
me : hai office lo, cho meh? (i'm in the office, why?)
mum : thai thai hui cho (great grandma passed away)
me : kei si? (when?) burst into tears
mum : kam jiu hou jou (early this morning)
me : kam tim? mou yan jiong office (so how? noone jaga office)
mum : mou siong kon. kam man hui oak khei (nevermind, tonight we'll go to her house)
me : hmm, ok lo

after hanging up, i cried so much. and thought what an idiot i am. i should have been with her more. i should go see her more often.

i am no good at loosing someone, moreover she was someone so important to me. i treasure her, i am so glad & proud to have a great grandma who lived till 105. she has been through the war, seen the beginning of the new millenium, dine with her five generations.... she has seen everything.

i called koh koh, it's so hard to convey a message like this, i dunno how to say, just cried. then uttered out, "thai thai mm hai tou jo". he cried too. i know he hurts as much. we all love her. i missed her so so much.

i cried and still crying...

to blog or not???

Oh god, should I still blog??? Hehehe, try this!!

Do You Even Know What a Blog Is?

You got 1/8 correct! What the heck are you doing at Blogthings?

How Much Do You Know About Blogging?

msn-on-board

funny, janie & i were on board mh783. i had rayern sleeping on my chest, and janie was seated behind. there was no way to talk to her, so i took out a pen and wrote on the paper. passed it to her and she replied....

for a moment, i thought, we're on msn.....

here's a sneak peek of our msn.

How Do You See Me?

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

The Key to My Heart

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Prosperity Coming Soon

just the other day as i was reading the star paper and something caught my eyes. hehehe, my favourite burger is back - PROSPERITY BURGER. not to say i dont like other burgers, maybe it's the once a year thing that made me miss the burger so much.

well, it's not in the market yet, but for those prosperity burger lovers, go catch it on the 28th this month.

jolly holiday

towards every year end, most people tend to be lazier as it's the holiday season. i was thinking of getting a xmas tree for our home, or should i say for ray ern. but after much consideration, i think i will just leave it. cause knowing that i am a traditional lady, i think i will just celebrate chinese new year, mooncake festival, dumpling fest, etc etc....

having said so, i'm listening to xmas songs now in the office - since last week!!!

hahaha, woman are always contradicting words. heheheh